I have a bit of an obsession with the kitchen being kept just right.  You can laugh and show me pictures of my desk and bedroom all you want, but the kitchen is serenity and I demand perfection.  Over the years I’ve developed a particular intolerance for a few habits, so here we go.

  1. Empty Ice Trays in the Freezer – Who is doing this?  We have 7 ice trays for four people, how is it at all possible that they are all empty.  Perhaps more importantly I should ask why exactly do we have so many ice trays?

  2. Shopping Bags as Garbage Bags – First, don’t flame me for not having recyclable bags made of hemp or something.  Now, who’s the lazy one who can’t change a full garbage bag?  You’ve certainly got a lot of nerve hanging it on a drawer 18 inches from the waste basket, and don’t tell me its a bear bag.

  3. Jelly in the Cream Cheese Container – This is particularly infuriating.  I’m an exclusive consumer of cream cheese rather than butter with my bagels and I’m not looking to try anything new.  Cream cheese and jelly together looks terrible;  special mention for the moron who gets a bunch of poppy seeds in there too.  Ditto for that winner who gets jam in the peanut butter jar.

  4. Salad Dressing Left Out of the Fridge – Hey guess what?!  The label says “Refrigerate After Opening” for a reason.  No worries though, if the turned ranch dressing doesn’t kill you then I will.

  5. Dirty Frying Pans on the Stove Top – This needs no introduction, just stop doing it.  If you aren’t going to clean your dishes, then please don’t leave a pan full of olive oil used for God-knows-what sitting around.

There you have it.  Rest assured there are many, many other things which provoke me to violence but this will have to do for now.  Do me a favor and never let me see you doing this and we’ll be cool.